How to travel as an introvert / extrovert couple

*You can easily interchange an introvert / extrovert couple for introvert / extrovert travel buddies. It works either way!

You probably already know which ‘vert you are, but if you’d like to double check – this Jung / Myers Briggs test is ace. If you’ve got some time – I also  highly recommend watching this YouTube video.

Let’s start with a basic definition and how to distinguish the two.

Introverts tend to recharge by spending time alone. They lose energy from being around people for long periods of time, particularly large crowds.

Extroverts on the other hand, gain energy from other people. Extroverts actually find their energy is sapped when they spend too much time alone. They recharge by being social.

There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum. –Carl G. Jung

It’s also important to note that both ‘verts enjoy socialising, it’s just that introverts prefer to do so in smaller, more familiar groups and in a shorter time frame.

I’m an extrovert. A trained actress and a social butterfly, I’m outgoing and all about optimism. I can’t get enough of meeting new people and hearing their stories, while sharing mine. Mike, on the other hand is an introvert. He’s an accountant who spends a lot of time in his head – a rich inner world. Reflective, deliberate and careful, he’s all about going deep, without the small talk. We both LOVE travel (it’s what bonded us and brought us together) but how we do it often distinguishes a good trip from a great trip. It took us some time to figure out how we meshed together while globetrotting, but now we can confidently say – we’ve got it sussed.

Accommodation style is key!

There are so many choices of where to stay nowadays and depending on your personality type (and budget), some options may make more sense than others. As an introvert / extrovert couple, we tend to find that a private room in a hostel suits us best. (Goodbye and good riddance to dirty dorms). That way, we get a good balance of privacy and party. After a day out, we head to the communal space and talk to fellow travellers. Mike joins in on the fun, but after about an hour, he’s had his share of socialising and taps out, leaving me to chug pints and dance the night away with my newfound friends. It works well because we both get what we need from those moments. We also find couch-surfing great.  Not only is it free, but our hosts are eager to connect with us on a deeper level, inviting us into their dedicated space, while showing us around town. This way we can build relationships with people, make a connection and have friends for life. I actually wrote a blog on why we choose couchsurfing, here. Hotels, however, are our least favourite – because they’re often impersonal which leaves us a bit cold. We don’t mind them for a short weekend away, but if we have the choice – we steer clear.

To solo or to group travel? That is the question…

Most introverts would prefer to travel alone or in a small group, while extroverts would choose a group tour. Hello Contiki!!! Do you know what works well for introvert / extrovert couples? Free walking tours! Most cities have them and they’re such a great way of getting a thorough understanding of an area in a short amount of time. From pretty paved streets in Prague to graffiti and grit in Chile, we can’t get enough. The best part? They don’t cost a dime (although tipping is encouraged). Walking tours usually start off with about 30 – 50 people, but they naturally break into smaller groups as everyone finds their groove. Mike really opens up on these and you can usually find him at the front of the group, getting involved and asking the tour guide loads of questions. These walking history lessons also appeal to me as an extrovert, but you will find me hanging at the back, meeting new people and often getting left behind because of the beautiful photo opportunities. The added bonus of being surrounded by sights and sounds makes it impossible to get bored! We recently came back from a 4-day Uyuni Salt Flats tour in Bolivia. After travelling as a couple for quite some time, Mike got comfortable chatting and socialising with a few chosen individuals he resonated with, while I fluttered at dinner a la musical chairs – getting my fix of mingling with everyone who cared to listen to me!

City scape or beach break?

Choosing WHERE you decide to spend your precious vacation time is important. Extroverts prefer more stimulating environments as when they’re in quiet surroundings, they tend to feel bored and impatient. Focus on whether you want a city trip – which will focus on activities and sightseeing, or whether you’re looking for something a bit more relaxing, like a beach break. The key is striking a balance and choosing a place that has both these qualities. We usually like to split our time equally, sometimes saving the tranquil bit for the end.  I loved our trip to Tokyo – from the flashing lights, and swirling skyscrapers to the crazy colours, smells and sounds – it was constant stimulation and I was BUZZED! I felt incredible and the atmosphere was electric! But while I was living my best life in Harajuku heaven, poor Mike was absolutely exhausted by all the stimulation and constant chaos. The energy that was recharging me, was subsequently draining him! Our solution? A few hours of dedicated city sightseeing followed by some down time in a traditional and peaceful onsen (aren’t they amazing). Great cities that have both a fantastic urban feel as well as a beach oasis are great. A few of my firm favourites are Hong Kong, Rio De Janeiro, Cape Town, Los Angeles etc.

Eat and Repeat

Let’s face it. Some people see food as a necessity to fuel them while on a trip, while others will plan their entire trip around the food. Decide between yourselves whether you are happier going out to eat each night or whether you are you more inclined to hit the local grocery store, pick out delicacies and cook up a storm at your hostel together. Choosing to eat in and putting on some calming music can be a great way to unwind as an introvert after a long day, instead of tiring yourself out even more by sitting at a bustling restaurant, after having waited an hour to be seated. But be mindful that your extroverted partner may be desperate for a sit down restaurant meal after spending all day hiking in a secluded forest without another person in sight. A good suggestion is to get the best of both worlds and alternate between eating out and eating in. This can also save a ton of money!

Plan your Activities

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, and this bodes true for all holidays – whether a weekend away or a year on the road. Introverts are usually planners as it makes them feel productive and safe. Extroverts are mostly spontaneous and are happy to go with the flow. The easiest way to piss off an introvert? Cancelling plans last minute! So, if you’ve decided to do something particular, make sure you stick to it! Fortunately, when it comes to hobbies, Mike and I have similar interests and love adventure. Generally, introverts prefer solo activities and being surrounded by calming scenes such as nature, so you really can’t go wrong with hiking, surfing and golf. Extroverts might be a little more enthralled with dancing, team sports and live shows. Be careful not to have an itinerary that is too structured as that could be restrictive, but don’t go so far as having nothing planned, as that could waste precious time. With an introvert / extrovert couple, it’s good to find that happy medium, with lots of free time, which brings me to my next point…

Just add space!

The main difference between Mike and I is that he requires time alone. This recharges his batteries and gets him feeling, and acting, his best. Although I appreciate quiet time, I certainly don’t need it.  Because I know it’s important that Mike has his down time, I give him space to do his thing. Usually a good rule of thumb for introverts is the longer a period without alone time, the grumpier they will be! Believe me, it ain’t pretty. If we’re on a long(ish) trip, we always set aside a few hours to do our own thing – in fact that’s what keeps us as an introvert / extrovert couple sane! Usually this takes the form of me going on an organised group tour for the day, while leaving Mike to chill at the hostel (or wherever he feels most relaxed) with a podcast in his ears and a pint in his hand. In fact, we did just this in Belize – check out when I snorkelled with sharks! PS. I’ve just worked out why Mike was SO stoked on those loooong bus journey’s while I was chomping at the bit in boredom – so sneaky!

You’re going to travel best when you communicate and express your needs to your partner (or travel buddy) without fear or shame. It is true that our world socially celebrates extroverts, but oftentimes we miss the quiet power of introverts. Travelling together as an introvert / extrovert couple lets you celebrate those beautiful differences, while appreciating each-other and the way you compliment one another – just like a puzzle piece. Where one is weak, the other is strong. By being open as to what makes you tick, and what ticks you off – you’re well on your way to being a team and having your best trip yet!

Do let me know how it goes and if you found these tips useful.

xxx Ainsleigh xxx